I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I CAN MOONWALK!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
