No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
