If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
