I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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