twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
