everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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