I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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