I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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