I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
