'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
