Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
