Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
