I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
