she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
