my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Panties = found
Randomize
