She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
