i just google imaged poop.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
