***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
