Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
