So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
