dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
if only i could text you this smell
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
