we made out on top of his cat.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he was CRYING into my vagina
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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