I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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