either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
