dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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