i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
