I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
