Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize