I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
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First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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