So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
