i'm signing you up for texting rehab
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
