Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
