My sheets look like a crime scene.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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