You're a womanizer and a bitch.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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