i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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