I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
