just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
