Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
