My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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