the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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