I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
