you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize