if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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