I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
