He is an equal opportunity slut.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I am available for nakedness
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
