She is in my trunk
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
