I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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