butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
