Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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