so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The uberlube is also flammable
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
