I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
