Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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