You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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