I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
