sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
