i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
