you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
