I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
its liver damage thursday
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
