they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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