I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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